sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
