I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
