hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's no shave November. This is our time.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
