omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
