I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
