I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
