he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
