Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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