thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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