do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize