Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
