i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
