I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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