OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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