No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
