I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
