I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
