this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
