and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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