He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
