Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
