I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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