What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
