i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
