I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Let's get the cat blown out
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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