I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
