Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she peed on how many people?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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