some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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