Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
