my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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