I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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