3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
