he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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