If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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