i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
How external is "for external use only"?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
