Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
