You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
