I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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