mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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