i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
