just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
