Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
