i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
