Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
