Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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