so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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