So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
