I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
