My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
