i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
