sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
