he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
