i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
