I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
