Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think people are normalizing furries
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
