i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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