the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
