I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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