it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
