Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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