you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
