Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
