Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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