I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
