i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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