So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
