oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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