If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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