Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
