those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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